If you only put a good amount of effort into your marriage in the early years together, and then after some time you cease much of your effort but maintain the expectation that your marriage will remain healthy and you both are well connected, then your marriage likely to eventually end up struggling.
Make sure that everything is okay with a Couples
All couples agree that a marriage is an investment, and like all investments, it will continue to evolve if you both put the time and the right type of effort into it. The old adage applies here, the more you put in, the more return you will get.
We have been counselling and helping couples in various ways for nearly 30 years now, and from this we have seen that those couples and families that create the best environment for relationships to flourish are those where the couple has demonstrated their commitment and willingness to adapt to the changes and challenges that life brings to them.
Together with a willingness to learn relationship skills such as communication, emotional awareness and self awareness, taking and understanding the value of responsibility, non-blaming conflict resolution techniques and similar skills.
You both can…. learn
You may be pleased to know that healthy relationship skills can be easily learned, they are just difficult to master. A simple rule here is that what you put in all too often equals what you get back.
Learning, developing and maintaining healthy relationships through better skills, and knowledge and capabilities is like learn any sport….. there’s a lot of repetitive practice (and it’s not the balls fault that it didn’t go in the right direction).
Just like breathing, or even eating, things we’ve all been doing since the day we’re born, we all believe that we’re okay at the doing of it. Well, you’re still alive aren’t you, so you must be reasonable at breathing.
However, when we listen to a person who has learned hot to breath effectively, in a manner that helps them achieve a great goal such as in singing, sport or meditation, we begin to understand that there is a hell-of-a-lot more to this skill than what you may have always assumed.
You may have always thought that it is only smokers or asthmatics that struggle with their breathing…… not true.
Do it regularly
Similar to fitness, you don’t get fit and stop exercise with the expectations that you will remain fit. Sadly, that’s not true, otherwise we would be slim, trim and fit.
It is exactly the same with your marriage. You don’t put a lot of effort into the relationship, get yourselves to a really healthy relationship state, and then stop putting the effort in and have the expectation that the marriage will remain solid and healthy. That, is not going to happen.
Another example is school. If you have a child that puts a good effort into their schooling essentially by having a good attitude to learning, regularly completing their homework, be okay with something not being right the first time but add the mistake to their knowledge bank, etc, you know as a parent, that this child will be fine in their life.
A little work for great reward
In short, a marriage is similar too many things in life that we accept and put into practice, but most couples do not apply this knowledge, eve wisdom, to their marriage or family relationships.
The key message in this article is that a strong, loving and well connected marriage and family absolutely require us all to keep on learning how to do relationships.
With this in mind, we suggest and encourage you to attend a “Marriage/Relationship Health Check or Reset” to ensure that what you have learned you build on, or if there has been a slippage back to old habits, these are picked up early and it allows you both to get onto these before problems set in.